A tale from my past.
In my former life before theatre I had a few jobs, but I think the darkest part of my life was working in call centers. Having said that of course there are several stories that have always made me chuckle when I remember them.

For instance when I worked at a BT I used to receive all sorts of calls and had to explain lots or bizarre requests, like why had a customer received a charge card (enables calls from other phones to be paid for on your home bill) under the name of Mr T Wat (Disgruntled employee, you only had to chuck a stone and you would hit one) or the time I had to very delicately explain to a woman that the 300 phone bill she had received was not a mistake as she had loads of 0898 numbers (Sex lines, normally charged at about 1 per min) on here bill, all being called at about 2am.
After ranting at me for about 10mins I finally got a word in and asked her if there was anyone else at her address that could have made the calls, She replied "No! There is only me and my son".
Which was followed by a very long silence and then a very embarrassed "Thank you for your help, bye........" Click. I can only imagine the shouting in that house.

About 8 months later and a change of jobs I was working for the TV licensing, Now for those of you who don't know in the UK it is a legal requirement that if you have a TV or a piece of hardware that picks up TV signals you have to have a license (this covers all the TV's in a home).
We used to get all sorts of calls, The biggest complaints and excuses being things like:

"I can't afford a TV license"
Ans: "Well don't have a TV then"
"I have 6 kids , I cant afford to buy a license"
Ans: "Well don't have a TV then" (My internal ans: "Keep your legs closed and maybe you could afford one")
"I only watch TV on weekends, can I buy a weekend license"
Ans: "No"

Stuff like that, but the most comical went something like this.

Me:"Hello TV licensing"
Caller: "Hello, I've got some tea towels to sell you" (little old lady)
Me: "Sorry"
C: "I've got some tea towels to sell you. I Make them myself but I need the pattern"
Me: "I'm Really sorry but you've lost me"
C: "I need the pattern of that Wallace and gromit people to make the towels, Can you send it to me"
Me:"errr... This is the TV licensing I don't think we buy tea towels" (getting more confused by the second)
C: "I need the pattern of Wallace and gromit, you know the ones off the advert (TVL were doing an add campaign on TV using Wallace and gromit), to make the tea towels"
Me: "Ok, I don't think we buy tea towels I'm afraid we are an office that deal with setting up TV licenses."
C: "So you don't have the pattern I can use to make the tea towels"
Me: "No I'm afraid not. We don't buy tea towels I'm afraid"
C: "Oh! OK"
Me: "Sorry." (waiting in hope for the good bye)
C: "......Can you tell me who I need to speak to get the pattern and send the tea towels to"
Me: "I'm afraid we don't buy tea towels"
C: "Oh! You don't know who I need to speak to."
Me: "No."
C: "Oh! Could you ask around for me and call me back."
Me: " I'm really sorry but I wont be able to do that as we don't buy things we are only a call center"
C: "Well if you don't want them you only had to say."
CLICK..........

It is the only call I ever had that left me totally bemused.
- posted by J @ 19:42